Character Building

I have always thought of myself as an easy person to get along with. I think I’m loving, kind and encouraging. I try to listen, to care and to show love to my friends and others. I know that I’m not perfect and have done my share of hurting others, but for the most part I thought I was easy to get along with. Until moving overseas.

Living overseas brings to light many things that you need to change about yourself. We change how we dress to fit in, we change how we speak, how we eat, how we function. But God takes it to a whole new level and shows us these things in ourselves that still need improvement. Our time here so far has been a roller coaster of emotions, really high highs and really low lows. Many times those emotions have been focused on the ministry. We’ve rejoiced, we’ve cried, we’ve begged, we’ve been joyful. But the other highs and lows have dealt with our relationship to the Father.

Apparently one lesson that I need to be taught right now is about myself and how I need to respond to others. You see I thought all these things about myself, but apparently I’m not what I thought I was. Apparently I still need to work on my listening, my encouraging, my getting along with others, showing love to others and caring for others. Apparently it seems that I’m not doing what I need to be doing and God is using my current circumstances to change me.

And it hurts. Let me tell you it hurts. To be told that you are not these things that you think you are, to be told out of the blue. It’s a shocker..it’s not pleasant and it’s left me feeling incredibly…incapable and like an utter failure in life and ministry.  I guess character changing with God is never easy or really particularly pleasant.  It feels like someone has punched me in the chest, pushed me off a cliff, like someone has smacked me in the face. I’ve cried, a lot. I’ve cursed the circumstances, asked God to let me be, and finally ended up on my face in front of Him.

You see, I am not a strong person naturally. People may think I am, but I’m not. I’m a weak person who pretends to be tough because it hurts too much to let people see my frailty. So I have to, I must rely on Him to get me through the character building, the trials and the triumphs. He is the only one who will never leave me or forsake me. He is the only one who loves me because of everything I am, because He created me. He is the only one who can get me past the pain and hurt and make me better, stronger, more loving, more caring, just better. He is the only one who knows me and knows my heart and how much it hurts. And He is the only one who can change me, improve me and make me more like Him.

So I will rejoice…or at least try to…for my trials, for my brokenness. Because it means that He’s not finished with me yet and that I still have work here to do. I will choose to focus on how to be more Christ like and ask Him to heal my pain. I will take the character building in any form and cherish it because I know I’m not perfect. I will rejoice in all the trials I’ve had in the recent years and the trials that I will have in the future because I know He loves me and will be with me through every one. And I will be confident that He will make me more like Him through each hardship, hurt feeling and pain. Because I know that He understands, forgives even when others do not, and wants the best for me no matter what I feel.

A friend shared these verses with me tonight and reminded me of what needs to be my perspective.

A friend shared these verses with me tonight and reminded me of what needs to be my perspective.

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Grossness

Grossness seems to be a theme this month.  Let me explain.

The first thing that happened was that Zelli, our adorably stupid African dog, had mango flies. Three of them. Now for those of you who don't know what mango flies are let me explain. They are flies that lay their eggs which then hatch and try to find a host to grow in. Once they are grown they come out the host and bury themselves in the ground to pupate. Now...when I say they find a host I mean that they bury themselves under the skin and gestate.

That being said, we got ready to leave the house and I noticed that Zelli had two brown spots on her leg. So I stooped down to look and thought that my dog had been bitten by a vampire. Seriously. I'm not joking. She had a hole in her leg at least 1/4" in diameter. So I called B over (because I might have been freaking out a bit) and he then "squeezed" the other brown spot. Out popped...yep popped...a mahusive (massively huge) larvae. DISGUSTING!! I might have proceeded to throw up a little in my mouth and freak out. Maybe. So then it really looked like she had been bitten by a vampire because the holes were less than an inch apart!

This is why we are advised to let our clothes either a) dry for 48 hours before wearing them or b) iron everything you wash before putting it on. We usually try to do the drying thing because well...I hate ironing with a passion. And I'm not to big on ironing underwear or socks :) But people have been known to have these things. Seriously if your gag reflex isn't too bad, you should google "mango fly" and just look at the images. It is not for the faint of heart!

I didn't take pictures of our baby dog and I won't show you a picture because it's disgusting. Needless to say she was babied for several days while I felt awful.

This is how our adorably stupid Zelli sleeps!

The second thing that happened was this...

6 baby mice

Over the past three years we have had a few mice in the house. Usually they are around when we've been out of the house for a few days. We'll put out some poison and within a few hours there comes a staggering little mouse seconds away from passing into mouse heaven. But this month we had what we could only assume to be several mice that just wouldn't die. We put out poison with peanut butter, set traps, put poison with dog food and bread all to no avail. Finally one night around 2am I got up and headed to the bathroom for a drink of water. As soon as I got in there a mouse ran in with me! So my brave and wonderful husband came in, stuffed a towel under the door and then we proceed to run around trying to catch the mouse while also trying not to slip on the wet tile. Finally after 10 minutes or so B squished the mouse with our squeegee. One down! 

A few days later we headed out for the day and when we got back we immediately knew that something had died in our house. So B again, being the wonderful husband he is, set out to find the source of the stench and found a dead one in the office. Two down! 

We thought we had won. We celebrated with dinner and dancing...just joking. But we did celebrate our victory over the mice again. The next day B was fixing some things and got into a cabinet in the office to get some tools when he heard some squeaking. Yes squeaking. So he dug out all the tools and voila! A NEST! With 6 baby mice that could barely move and hadn't even opened their eyes yet. As I bent down to see what B was trying to show me, one wobbled at me and I screamed. Loudly. Very loudly. So we scooped them up and threw them over the back wall, knowing that they would very quickly die or be eaten. 

So that was our excitingly gross month. Hopefully never to happen again because well..it's gross!

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