Pursuing

I wrote this on December 30, 2015:

For Christmas we decided to make an ornament that summed up our year, whether with a picture or a word. We both came back with the same word…pursuing.

2015 for us was a year of pursuing. We pursued where God would have us work in this vast northern part of Senegal.  When we first arrived in our new city, we felt overwhelmed with the possibilities, with starting over from scratch. So we prayed and drove, which we love and is when God gives us creative out of the box thinking. We decided to start with research, figuring out where the Fulbe villages were in this place. We started mapping out villages in the desert and along the coast. We entered around 50 new villages and about half of those are places that want us to come back to teach in. That’s a lot of work!! We also had three new believers pursuing God alongside us, growing and learning and sharing with those around them. Pursuing their own relationship with the Father! Thank you Lord for your direction and provision!

We pursued our adoption further, including having our home study, getting 15 documents notarized at a whopping $50/piece (thank you American government for charging for a service that’s free in the States), new doctors appointments, more notarization, police clearances and finally getting fingerprinted and submitting our I800A as our final piece before submitting our dossier. Whew! It meant a lot of time spent travelling back and forth to Dakar, which thankfully, in God’s divine providence, we are much closer to! Thanks for looking out for us God!

We pursued relationships with co-workers, inviting people into our home, visiting in the capital, taking advantage of our closer location to build relationships with people we didn’t know or didn’t know well. We said some hard goodbyes as beloved co-workers left the field for various reasons to head back to the States. It was the first time since arriving in Senegal that we began to have a feel of community and family from people other than nationals. And we are so so thankful!

We also pursued answers as to how God was going to add to our family. We received an answer that we weren’t prepared for, but that we in the process of coping with. It seems that God’s plan is to build our family strictly through adoption. And we are grieving that loss, while still trying to trust in His goodness. He doesn’t always promise the answer will be yes, but He does promise an answer. Thank you for your prayers as we process His plan.

As the year wrapped up, we were reminded that even in pursuing God the road isn’t all sunshine and lollipops. Sometimes in our pursuit, we get an answer that we weren’t expecting, that takes our breath away and leaves us struggling. Those are the times where our faith, our dependence, our ability to let go of control, is tested. And those are the times where we grow. Lord please be with us as we grow.

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The deepest thanks

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions, from extreme joy to doubt and back to joy again. I've cried tears of fear and tears of happiness. I've been nothing but smiles and nothing but worry. Needless to say, I'm kinda tired!

First of all, we want to say thank you! Thank you for being so excited for us and our adoption. Thank you for making us feel so loved. Thank you for recognizing that we are soon (hopefully soon!) to be parents! When we announced our adoption, we received so many notes of congrats, so many kind and loving words, that we were overwhelmed and overflowing with appreciation! We felt completely and totally loved. We are so excited to be able to introduce our kids into such a loving community!

Speaking of kids, we were so humbled by all the support we received when we suddenly had to raise funds to be able to apply for two kiddos! In a week, you supported us by raising $5000. You wrote especially kind words and notes of encouragement. You shared our campaign with others. You prayed for us and this goal. And you sent us love. I have to be honest and say that around day 4 and 5, I was convinced that we weren't going to meet the goal. Extreme doubt and fear clouded my mind. But someone asked me about our process, and as I was speaking about all our trials and how God had been faithful, I realized that I didn't need to fear or doubt Him. He gave me a promise in December that He had control over my family. He knew what our hearts so longed for and He would take care of it. That He had this. And He does. He has proven himself faithful so many times through this process, and He showed Himself faithful again. After GoFundMe took out their percentage, we were left with $5034. Just over what we needed. There are no words to express the full extent of our gratitude to everyone who contributed, either by funds, sharing or praying. We are so so humbled by the amazing support for our growing family!

Our CONGRATS email!

Our dossier was mailed on Friday, Mar 4th to Burundi. We've been told it will take about a month to process the information and either approve or deny us. If approved, then we'll be put on a waiting list. We don't know how long it will take to get a referral. It could be 6 months or it could be 2 years. We do know though, that God's timing is perfect. So we will wait (as patiently as we can) for Him to provide and fulfill the promise He gave to us.

And please don't forget to say "Congrats" to my parents and Brock's parents. They are going to be grandparents!! I know they would appreciate your words of support and encouragement!

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What my morning sickness looks like

I wrote this in August 2015:

So it was a hard day and I was feeling blue. But my wonderful mom reminded me that every parent has to go through the yuck to get their kiddo. Most women have to go through morning sickness, swollen ankles, weird craving, etc. My yuck just looks different. The more I thought about this, the more comforted I was and my optimism slowly returned. Thanks Mom!

My morning sickness, tiredness and swollen ankles looks like this:

1. Finding out that your physical is out of date, having to drive 2 hours into the capital to get a new physical that takes 15 minutes and then drive 2 hours back home.

2. Waiting for hours at an obscure office in the capital in hopes of getting a paper that says you are not bound by the national adoption laws, but rather the laws of your own country. Then calling every week and being told that it's in process, only after two months to never actually get the paper and give up.

3.  Spending hundreds and hundreds of dollars just to get things notarized by the US Embassy because they charge you for this FREE service in the US when you live overseas.

4.  Waiting...lots and lots of waiting...to hear back from governments, offices and agencies. 

5.  Sitting at the computer for endless hours, filling out paperwork, your life story over and over again, all the addresses you've ever lived at since you were born, all the jobs you've ever had, all the anything! Pages and pages of paperwork...for each of us!

6.  Letting people you don't know into the most private areas of your life; your finances, your marriage, your health. And trying to remember that they really don't care and you don't need to justify how much money you have in your savings/checking because they really couldn't care less!

7.  Did I mention the waiting? And more waiting??

8.  Applying for endless grants and doing fundraising because adoption costs as much as a really nice new car and we certainly don't have that kind of money upfront mainly because we live overseas and work for the church. These grants come with their own paperwork and emailing and more waiting and talking about yourself and more waiting!

9. Asking people in the US to help you because you live overseas and it's terribly hard to coordinate a lot of things like fundraising and mailing things to agencies and governments when you aren't actually in the US.

10.  Being exhausted emotional and physically from the stress, the worry, the thinking of it all. My mind is constantly on our adoption and our kids. Did I fill out this paperwork right? Will we get the things in on time? Are our kids being taken care of? Are they eating, bathed, loved? Did I remember to fill out a particular blank? Sleepless and/or restless nights are a part of my new normal. Being tired all the time is a part of my new normal.

11. And more waiting and waiting and waiting....

So we will go through our yuck, the rites of passage in becoming a parent, because we know our munchkin(s) is worth every bit of second spent waiting, every bit of being frustrated, every bit of feeling uncomfortable. Because we know that once we have you in our arms, every bit of the yuck will fade away and you’ll just be here and nothing else will have ever mattered.

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