Character Building

I have always thought of myself as an easy person to get along with. I think I’m loving, kind and encouraging. I try to listen, to care and to show love to my friends and others. I know that I’m not perfect and have done my share of hurting others, but for the most part I thought I was easy to get along with. Until moving overseas.

Living overseas brings to light many things that you need to change about yourself. We change how we dress to fit in, we change how we speak, how we eat, how we function. But God takes it to a whole new level and shows us these things in ourselves that still need improvement. Our time here so far has been a roller coaster of emotions, really high highs and really low lows. Many times those emotions have been focused on the ministry. We’ve rejoiced, we’ve cried, we’ve begged, we’ve been joyful. But the other highs and lows have dealt with our relationship to the Father.

Apparently one lesson that I need to be taught right now is about myself and how I need to respond to others. You see I thought all these things about myself, but apparently I’m not what I thought I was. Apparently I still need to work on my listening, my encouraging, my getting along with others, showing love to others and caring for others. Apparently it seems that I’m not doing what I need to be doing and God is using my current circumstances to change me.

And it hurts. Let me tell you it hurts. To be told that you are not these things that you think you are, to be told out of the blue. It’s a shocker..it’s not pleasant and it’s left me feeling incredibly…incapable and like an utter failure in life and ministry.  I guess character changing with God is never easy or really particularly pleasant.  It feels like someone has punched me in the chest, pushed me off a cliff, like someone has smacked me in the face. I’ve cried, a lot. I’ve cursed the circumstances, asked God to let me be, and finally ended up on my face in front of Him.

You see, I am not a strong person naturally. People may think I am, but I’m not. I’m a weak person who pretends to be tough because it hurts too much to let people see my frailty. So I have to, I must rely on Him to get me through the character building, the trials and the triumphs. He is the only one who will never leave me or forsake me. He is the only one who loves me because of everything I am, because He created me. He is the only one who can get me past the pain and hurt and make me better, stronger, more loving, more caring, just better. He is the only one who knows me and knows my heart and how much it hurts. And He is the only one who can change me, improve me and make me more like Him.

So I will rejoice…or at least try to…for my trials, for my brokenness. Because it means that He’s not finished with me yet and that I still have work here to do. I will choose to focus on how to be more Christ like and ask Him to heal my pain. I will take the character building in any form and cherish it because I know I’m not perfect. I will rejoice in all the trials I’ve had in the recent years and the trials that I will have in the future because I know He loves me and will be with me through every one. And I will be confident that He will make me more like Him through each hardship, hurt feeling and pain. Because I know that He understands, forgives even when others do not, and wants the best for me no matter what I feel.

A friend shared these verses with me tonight and reminded me of what needs to be my perspective.

A friend shared these verses with me tonight and reminded me of what needs to be my perspective.