Being an introvert

Being an introvert is hard, as I'm sure some extroverts would say the same thing. But I feel really strongly that there are double standards for introverts and extroverts. It's something that has bothered me all my life, people expecting me to be different or being mad at me for being who I am. I don't understand it, why people think that introverts should be different. I just don't understand.

I have spent most of my life feeling inadequate, unworthy and incapable. I have amazing parents who tried continuously to change the voices in my head but to no avail. I have spent countless hours wondering why I feel this way and I have finally figured out a piece of the puzzle. I'm an introvert and most people are not okay with that. Let me try to explain...

As an extrovert you share your life openly, without being asked and gladly. You hardly ever have problems being in a crowd of people or meeting new people. You look forward to each and every social scenario that you find yourself in and walk away feeling energized. You usually have lots of close friends.

As an introvert you are private, you take time to open up to people and it's hard. You mostly have problems with being in a crowd or being the center of attention and it's hard and awkward to meet new people. Social settings are draining and tiring. You may know a lot of people, but you only have one or two close friends.

These are all generalizations, but I think that for the most part they are true. At least they are true of me and my husband.

I am damaged. I don't trust people easily with my inner most thoughts. I don't open up easily. You can ask around, it can be hard to get to know me but once you are in, you're in. Once I finally trust you with myself, it takes a lot for me to lose that trust. Once I trust our friendship, I am an open book. I share probably too much information sometimes. I cry, I laugh, I wear my emotions on my sleeve and ask for your help. If I don't ask for help, it's because I don't need any right then.

It's not that I don't like being around people, I do. I like people. I want to know people, to hear their stories and to have deep friendships. Being around a lot of people for long periods of time does make me tired, but I still want to do it. After a team leaves I need a day or two to recover. That doesn't make me weak or incapable. It's just what I need.

So many times in my life, especially lately, I feel like the extroverts want me to be an open book right now. And when I'm not I get criticized for it, I'm closed off, that I don't want to share my life, I need to change. Why? I don't walk around thinking that extroverts should be different nor do I judge the extraverts because of their differences. I don't expect them to be quiet, to be alone, to not be who they are. But they expect me to change? To be different? Why can't you have patience with me? Encourage me and walk with me to build my trust? Why can't you accept me for who I am? An introvert. I accept your extrovertedness so please accept my introvertedness.

So to all you extroverts that think introverts are weak people, incapable, or need to be open books please take a minute to pause in reflection and try to accept us for who we are, where we are. And to all you introverts who think extroverts need to change, do the same. We are all God's children and we need to learn to accept each other where we are and not try to change each other without good reason.