What my morning sickness looks like

I wrote this in August 2015:

So it was a hard day and I was feeling blue. But my wonderful mom reminded me that every parent has to go through the yuck to get their kiddo. Most women have to go through morning sickness, swollen ankles, weird craving, etc. My yuck just looks different. The more I thought about this, the more comforted I was and my optimism slowly returned. Thanks Mom!

My morning sickness, tiredness and swollen ankles looks like this:

1. Finding out that your physical is out of date, having to drive 2 hours into the capital to get a new physical that takes 15 minutes and then drive 2 hours back home.

2. Waiting for hours at an obscure office in the capital in hopes of getting a paper that says you are not bound by the national adoption laws, but rather the laws of your own country. Then calling every week and being told that it's in process, only after two months to never actually get the paper and give up.

3.  Spending hundreds and hundreds of dollars just to get things notarized by the US Embassy because they charge you for this FREE service in the US when you live overseas.

4.  Waiting...lots and lots of waiting...to hear back from governments, offices and agencies. 

5.  Sitting at the computer for endless hours, filling out paperwork, your life story over and over again, all the addresses you've ever lived at since you were born, all the jobs you've ever had, all the anything! Pages and pages of paperwork...for each of us!

6.  Letting people you don't know into the most private areas of your life; your finances, your marriage, your health. And trying to remember that they really don't care and you don't need to justify how much money you have in your savings/checking because they really couldn't care less!

7.  Did I mention the waiting? And more waiting??

8.  Applying for endless grants and doing fundraising because adoption costs as much as a really nice new car and we certainly don't have that kind of money upfront mainly because we live overseas and work for the church. These grants come with their own paperwork and emailing and more waiting and talking about yourself and more waiting!

9. Asking people in the US to help you because you live overseas and it's terribly hard to coordinate a lot of things like fundraising and mailing things to agencies and governments when you aren't actually in the US.

10.  Being exhausted emotional and physically from the stress, the worry, the thinking of it all. My mind is constantly on our adoption and our kids. Did I fill out this paperwork right? Will we get the things in on time? Are our kids being taken care of? Are they eating, bathed, loved? Did I remember to fill out a particular blank? Sleepless and/or restless nights are a part of my new normal. Being tired all the time is a part of my new normal.

11. And more waiting and waiting and waiting....

So we will go through our yuck, the rites of passage in becoming a parent, because we know our munchkin(s) is worth every bit of second spent waiting, every bit of being frustrated, every bit of feeling uncomfortable. Because we know that once we have you in our arms, every bit of the yuck will fade away and you’ll just be here and nothing else will have ever mattered.